Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Not that Kind of Girl - Lena Dunham

Just finished the audio version of this one.  I really enjoyed it!   True, it would not be everyone's cup of tea.  And I also couldn't deny anyone's criticism that she comes off as a hypochondriac, priveldged kid BUT I think that was just her attempt at honest.  She wasn't trying to portray herself as a girl without flaws or appease the masses with unoffensive, straight-lined writing.  That said, I did find her stories relatable, hysterical, and smart.   I laughed out loud through most of the book and appreciated that she didn't try to tie it all together into a neat package of triumph at the end.  It felt honest and worth my time.

“I have been envious of male characteristics, if not the men themselves. I'm jealous of the ease with which they seem to inhabit their professional pursuits: the lack of apologizing, of bending over backward to make sure the people around them are comfortable with what they're trying to do. The fact that they are so often free of the people-pleasing instincts I have considered to be a curse of my female existence.”  

“It made me feel silenced, lonely, and far away from myself, a feeling that I believe, next to extreme nausea sans vomiting, is the depth of human misery.” 

“When someone shows you how little you mean to them and you keep coming back for more, before you know it you start to mean less to yourself. You are not made up of compartments! You are one whole person! What gets said to you gets said to all of you, ditto what gets done. Being treated like shit is not an amusing game or a transgressive intellectual experiment. It’s something you accept, condone, and learn to believe you deserve. This is so simple. But I tried so hard to make it complicated.” 

Friday, May 1, 2015

Friday Words

"Ask yourself what is really important and then have the wisdom and courage to build your life around your answer."


Friday, April 24, 2015

Going on 2.5

Baby J is right about 2.5.   Two and a half.  How is it even possible??  He's grown up so much and is a full blown toddler.  He says so much - all of his animals sounds, counts to 10 (but omits 7.  He knows he skips it because he pauses before going on to 8....), sings the ABC's.  He loves buses and tractors and the mailman!  Will demand that you get "down" to play with him or go "ouside" but first he needs to put on his "shooooes".   Oh, his little words melt my heart.

But not all has changed.  He is still a wonderfully calm, affectionate little spirit.  He wants to hug everyone.  He gives his friend Emma at least 3 bearhugs every week in music class - class is only 45 minutes!   And if he's not hugging, he's holding hands.  He's got a kind heart.  He brings love and sweetness everywhere he goes.  We are so very, very, very lucky.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Kids Today

My sixteen year old stepson has been living with us permanently since June.  To say he is a wonderful kid and a joy to have is an understatement.   It's also been interesting to me to watch and see how many of the negative associations the media presents about "kids today" are simply not true, at least not for everyone. Problematic, experimental, rebellious teenagers are no new phenomenon and like any generation, there are kids who push the limit and others who oblige.  Sure - social media and technology has made their experience different than mine, but my experience was different from my parents and theirs different from their parents and so on.   We like to think ours was "best" - I'm a little bored of the conversation "when I was a kid we went out and played and came back for dinner"...free-range vs. helicopter is becoming a discussion as boring as "can women have it all". There's no unanimous answer and kids, women, people, LIFE is not one-size-fits-all.  I wish people would be a little more assertive in pursuing what worked for them and their families rather than complaining about shifts in society and avoiding personal accountability.  

I wish there was more awareness of the disconnect between traits we desire in our children - leadership, creativity, risk-taking, or whatever desired qualities we seek - and our very own actions. If you want to raise independent children, give them space to fall ...and get back up.   If you want to raise kind people, exemplify graciousness in your daily interactions.   You want leaders, empower them to make decisions.  Don't simply surrender to the easy excuse of "kids today".   Parents are, and always have been, children's greatest teachers.  

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Finding Light

For years I desired a professional change.  If you look closely, you can probably find original posts (dating to 2011) on this blog where I reference making a change.  Overall, I tried to keep this space relatively positive so I wasn't constantly dwelling on my unmet needs, but it was always there.   Always a weight on my shoulders.

I incessantly read books (note: How to Find Fulfilling Work, despite it's literal title, was rather unimpressive), devoured internet posts, and basically anyone who knew me knew that I was unsatisfied with my career.   But stuck.  Stuck for so many reasons - money, benefits, familiarity, uncertainty about where to go... Recently, I realize I was living in a state of low-level career depression and one of the scariest components of depression is its ability to paralyze its sufferer.  The reason I know I had it, and no longer have it, is because I *feel* differently.   Not only is my mood lighter, but I feel the release of a certain physical pressure/weight that I always felt before.  The connection of the body to the mind is a limitless fascination to me.  

All of this to say, I want to dig deeper.   I am surrounded by so many wonderful, talented, smart, people are also suffering, knowingly and unknowingly.   How do we get people unstuck? How do we bring back light --- mental clarity and physical ease --- when it's been dormant for so long.   I'm not exactly sure but this is where I'd like to begin....


Friday, April 17, 2015

Friday Words

"May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view.  May your mountains rise into and above the clouds." - Edward Abbey.


Thursday, April 16, 2015

Here I am....

Sitting at the desk in my home office, sunny - overlooking the pool (not opened yet but when it does.... watch out).   I took the dog for a nice walk on our trail this morning and really, I can't help but pinch myself.  This is it.  This is what I wanted.  This was my vision for this chapter of life.   More flexibility.  More time to enjoy my family...  but still be part of an effective organization with work that challenges and engages me.

Manifestation is a powerful concept that has long intrigued me.   Our ability to live into our desired life.  Is it through the Law of Attraction?   Or just deliberate planning coupled with some good fortune and preparedness?    In any case, here I am.  My heart feels quite full knowing at this very moment, all feels quite good.